All the things she said
by jordie-here
Summary: Oneshot. Harry and Ron are going to tell Hermione something that could change the way she lives for the rest of her life!... Or not.


**Hey there everyone.**

**I had a sudden urge to write a totally pointless random one shot.**

**Haha. Well here you go.**

Hermione was sitting in the big chair near the fireplace waiting for Harry.

'_I wonder what he wanted to talk to me about. He sounded so weird on the phone.'_

Suddenly the common room door opened and Harry and Ron came in.

Singing an altered version of Tatu's all the things she said.

I'm a lesbian she's a lesbian we are lesbians, kissing in the rain KISSING IN THE RAIN!!'

Hermione turned around to face them with all the grace of a robot and stared at them with wide eyes.

It's a good thing that it was the Christmas holidays and no one else was here to hear them.

'_Oh god. What the hell are those two doing?'_

Suddenly they got to a part that Hermione really had to step in and stop them from going any longer.

'_You know what I hate? No. What do you hate?'_

Harry laughed.

'Penis.'

Ron choked on his laughter.

'_Oh my god. Penis! EWWW!'_

"ENOUGH!"

Hermione was standing in front of them with her hands on her hips and bright red blush on her face.

Ron and Harry took one look at her and laughed.

Hermione sighed and looked at them.

"What the hell were you two just doing?"

Harry looked at Hermione and suddenly turned serious.

"Hermione. I'm sorry to be the one that has to tell you this… But Ron, Malfoy and I have been having gay sex for the past 3 months."

Hermione choked on thin air and looked at them incredulously.

"WHAT!!!"

Ron got a dreamy look on his face.

"Yeah… You should have seen what we did last night. Malfoy got up and-"

"RON!!"

Ron looked at Hermione whose face was now the same shade as Neville's remembrall. _(For those of you who don't remember, it turns red when you forget something.)_

Harry stood there laughing while Hermione turned to him.

"And when were you planning on telling me this?"

Harry looked at her weirdly.

"Tonight. Haha. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Hermione looked shocked. Then realisation dawned on her.

"I was wondering why you guys were holding hands with Malfoy and skipping around the school. I just thought he put a spell on you or something like that. Haha."

Now it was Harry and Ron's turn to look shocked.

"You aren't mad?"

Hermione shook her head.

"Nope. I was meaning to tell you guys this sometime as well."

Harry and Ron looked at each other and then back at Hermione.

"Well?"

Hermione laughed.

"Well, I've been having lesbian sex with Lavender and Parvati for the last couple of weeks. Haha. They have this fluffy blanket thing. It's hot."

Ron and Harry looked at each other again and then back at Hermione…Again.

Then they shrugged.

"Ok then."

Then they started walking back out the common room.

Hermione called out to them.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

Harry called out over his shoulder.

"We're spending the night at Malfoy's."

Hermione stopped them.

"Oh no you're not."

Harry looked back at her and then blushed and turned back around.

Ron saw this and turned around to face Hermione.

He fainted.

Hermione laughed at them and woke Ron up.

"You guys need to help me out with this."

Hermione was holding up a folder of all the naked pictures of her, Lavender and Parvati.

"You need to tell me which ones are better so that when we do our strip dance at the end of term we don't look bad."

Harry and Ron looked at each other with wide eyes and then turned back to Hermione and tackled her.

They took the photos and started sorting through them.

"Hmm this ones good."

"Yeah. So is this one."

"Uh huh. And this one."

This went on for a little while until soon Harry and Ron started to get a little bit bored.

"Hey. Do you want to make out after this?"

Hermione fainted.

**Haha. I don't have anything against homos by the way.**

**Trust me I know a lot of them.**

**Haha suckers.**

**Anyhoo.**

**In case you wondering why Hermione fainted it was because she didn't want to see Harry and Ron making out.**

**Well I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to see that.**

**Anyways. Please review.**


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